Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012.

Here goes my last blog on this Blogspot in 2011! A pre-new year reflection.

I remember entering 2011 being a bit mindblown that the year I was finally going to graduate high school was finally here. I remembered when I was 7 years old in 2000, I calculated that I would graduate in 2011, and thought that year was going to take forever to come. And right before I knew it, it was knocking on my door. Highlights? Sadly having to experience my sister moving to the East Coast, Mariel's cotillion, watching my class unite ("I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!") at Trojan Olympics yet still suffering a bitter loss, Senior Ball, Grad Nite at Magic Mountain, graduation, my cotillion, a chill summer, moving to SF to start college at USF, college life, CFC-Y Southcoast's camp, holidays, Disneyland, family time, etc. I mean, I certainly had my share of trials and burdens, but all the great times I had this year definitely outweighed them.

This year, as any other year, I learned a lot. I realized that it was true you do figure out who your true friends are throughout high school. I started high school with a steady group of friends, but by the time I reached the end, there were only a few friends who I knew I really wanted to keep through the years after graduating. And it was true, now I barely talk to a lot of the people I knew in high school, but I ain't even sad. I have a good idea of who I want to keep in my life and who actually really matter. Sadly, my trust for others also shortened this year, and I guess you can say I keep way more to myself. I finally moved on from the loss of a friendship, in which I still admit to this day was probably the best friend I did ever have. I realized that I'm doing perfectly fine without them. As many of my close friends gained significant others, I did feel a bit more in the "forever alone" mood this year, but I've still kept in mind that they're somewhere out there and patience will reward you in the end. I guess you can also say I felt butterflies for the first time since 2009. Faded away from some friends, but definitely gained many new friends that I look forward to growing in friendship with as 2012 goes on. I've grown out of my shell even more, and to be honest, I finally gained a little confidence that I've always lacked. I also learned I do not like clubbing and definitely want to keep my lungs free of any kind of smoking for the rest of my life.

It's getting a late and I'm starting to not know what I'm talking about, which reminds me that my sleeping schedule had been corrupted even more in 2011. Sleeping at 2-4am, smh... haha. Anyways, happy new year to all. Deuces 2011, you were hella good, but I know 2012 is about to be even greater (I hope). And no, the world is not going to end.

2:43am

My mind is a mess right now. I mean, I'm definitely not depressed, frustrated, or sad anything, but I don't understand what's going on in it right now. I feel like I need to open it up, dump it out, and put it through some translator of some sort. It's so confusing that I don't even know how to explain it. I mean, I know what I'm feeling. Time to accept it. I've never been in so much denial in my whole life. I've learned my lesson so many times in the past, and denial is what I seek to avoid getting into the same mess. "No" is what I speak, yet my heart screams out "yes" the second that word leaves my mouth. It's because I've never really come across this kinda situation in my life. I've laid in my bed countless nights in the dark thinking about this, trying to escape from these thoughts, only to finally realize I really just do. These constant dreams I've been having for the past few nights give me false hope of what I see as impossible, tease me by showing me visions of what I think I can't have, and leave me to just wonder if they mean anything. The life of a hopeless romantic. Honestly, I think the only thing I'm yearning for is to know if any of it is or was ever requited, or if it really is as impossible as I think it is. I never like the feeling of having to wonder "what if".

3:36pm

Your strength is admirable, but I can feel all the pain you're going through with a single look at your eyes. I only wish I could take it all away, and transform it into the feeling of absolute joy that you deserve to feel. I don't know whether it's better to leave you alone, because I'm scared with one wrong move will be the ignition to the dynamite of disaster once again.

3:24am

Sometimes you come to realize that the best way to live life is to simply live to enjoy it. I guess you can say that's what I'm doing right now. Living life, day by day, loving it. Thank You Jesus for all the blessings in my life, especially the family and friends that I am surrounded by that make me appreciate life more than I already do.

And of course, I'm slowly learning to stop living life without expectations. Expectations can lead to disappointments, and trust, I've had a lot of those in my life. Like right now. (kinda)

Random thoughts after having a good day with good company. Mhmm.

Happyland

I wanna go baaaaaack. 

Excuse Me Mister

I really wanna blog, but I'm still suffering from post-finals exhaustion. Maybe I'll just let this song speak for me.

Rambalaya #3

Haven't done one of these in a loooong time!

1. It was hella legit to see Room 2B filled again for the Post-Camp Meeting last night. It hasn't been like that in a while, I am sure... it used to only be like that when I first started going in 2006! This new gen definitely makes me reminiscent of my generation and how we were when we were their age.
2. I was supposed to wake up at 10am to Bart back to USF today, but I woke up at almost 3pm. Failure... decided to just stay home and study here today and Bart back tomorrow morning.
3. SO ANXIOUS FOR WINTER BREAK. My sister comes back home after 5 months on Monday, I finish finals on Tuesday, leave for SoCal on Friday, and Disneyland on Saturday. What a week!!!
4. At my floormate dinner yesterday, I realized how I could make a bunch of friends at college, but they'll never compare to my friends back home. 
5. Tat, tat, tatteddd up before 2011 ends!
6. Considering removing my lip piercing.
7. Also considering growing my bangs out because they annoy me now.
8. Crazy how it's been 5 and it still lingers.
9. I will murder you, Biology. Just 3 more days of this nonsense.
10. I feel like I'm about to hit a dead end and my time is almost up here. (no, this is not death related lol)
11. I hate how I get so awkward when I find out people have a crush on me. Even if it's a crush that doesn't mean anything HAHA, but I'm just scared my actions will give people the wrong idea. -__- it's only awkward if I make it awkward.
12. Why do I always spark interests in weird guys?! 
13. Ah, the winter of 2009....
14. I need to hop on Christmas present shopping. Honestly, I really dislike Christmas presents and the hassle of shopping and alla that. Presence > Presents

LG

Don't have much to say but,

Life is good.