TTP #2

At this point, everything I'm doing is all for the sole purpose of making myself feel good & proud. Self-satisfaction.

Severance

Slowly detaching myself from several things. Maybe just 2 things.






















One being social networking sites, and the other will be only for me to know.

Wonderstruck

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you."

Entire song has complete relevance. Or well, most of it.

2:10am

Pardon my french, but...

I mean, I'd definitely fix things if I knew where the hell I went wrong. One who is strong grows from their mistakes, but how can one grow if they don't know where they fucked up? In this situation, I'm not a shallow asshole who's just going to let something this good go, but there's only so much I can do when I'm just so damn clueless.

T&E

I'm tired of moping around with the constant goodbyes in my life; I am stronger than that and I refuse to allow myself to be knocked down. I know better and I'll just get back up and keep walking on unless someone speaks up. I guess now I know how it feels.

It really is yourself versus the world.

Fin.

I tried.

Hurr

My hair at it's current "au naturel" stage (not straightened or anything). Gonna keep growing it out; still debating if I'm going to grow my bangs out. Sister is pushing me too, and my bangs are honestly are the most annoying part for me to tame. 

Free lip balm from my sister's facial lady feels amaaazin. Only reason why I felt like smiling like that :(|)

Classic

"My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room."

3:03am

I remember during my trip to Disneyland back in December, my cousins and I went on the new Little Mermaid ride at California Adventure. As you exit the ride, you see the whole scene where Ariel & Eric are married, yadiyayaya. And what I realized is that in these Disney movies, all the characters seem to fall head over heels for each other, or even married, in just a span of about a week or so. It's pretty funny thinking about that. Watching all these Disney movies growing up taught me that 1) we should always expect to find our Prince Charming 2) most things have a happy ending 3) I will marry or fall in love with a guy in a week. Just kidding, kinda overexaggerating, but it's somewhat true. Not only is it Disney movies, but all these love movies program our minds that we're all going to have a happy ending. The sad truth is, most times (at least for me), that is false.

Welps, I just haven't had my happy ever after yet. Too young for that, but honestly, lately I've laying in bed at night fearing I'm going to end up alone.

Erased

Crazy how someone can just fade out of your life. As I told the story of us to a few friends, I realized how much I had forgotten what had happened already, when it used to be a crystal clear scar to my memory. You didn't make it to my future, and one would assume that's not a great friend, but I must admit that in your moment in time, you were indeed a great friend. I'm fine now, but I'm just sayin'.

3:39am

One thing that I find great about life is how we can never really know what's going to happen. Yes, some events may be predictable, but generally, we don't know what small instances God has for us in store each day. We don't know who we expect to encounter and walk on by each day, and it's all in the hands of fate. Each morning, I wake up grateful for another a day and wonder what's coming my way. I get this thrill from not knowing what can happen, and it kinda leaves me at the edge of my seat as I go through the day.

But sometimes, don't you ever wonder why we try so hard and go through so many struggles to achieve so much in our lives? This may sound real pessimistic, which I do not intend at all to be, but just a thought to ponder... we are basically living to die. Sometimes this just all comes to me as we slowly drive down our super long road to a dead end (literally). But then after, I totally tell myself to snap out of it and to remember we push ourselves hard so that we can enjoy and savor each day as much as we can because.... YOLO. (eww I hate saying that, but it actually comes into use here. haha) You're never gonna get these days back to relive.

Blah, yes, here I am again rambling random crap at 3am as a part of my late night thinking. Okay, my real intent of this blog was to ask myself this:

Why do I feel like I always get myself into these situations?

I seriously just stared at those lines I just typed for a good 2 minutes not knowing how to answer. But then I remembered:

It's not about the destination; it's about the journey that gets you there.


I can already say I benefited a lot from this journey. A whole lot, actually.

Hermana

My sister is leaving us again to go back to the east coast tonight. She'll be gone for another long 5 months... =( I mean, I know I definitely won't be as sad as the first time she left, because now I truly understand she's doing something she loves and is doing what she needs to do in life. Can't guarantee I won't shed a tear or anything though! It was great having her home for this break after not seeing her since my cotillion in July. Family over everything. My sisters and I may argue, but at the end of the day, we're always going to be sisters and nothing will change that. Gonna miss her dearly... the moments where my family is all home and having good times together is becoming very scarce, but I got a load of it this break. Thank You Jesus.

$$$

Another year, another year older. As I grow older, I learn to appreciate money and understand the hardship of obtaining it. I'd like to say that this new year, I'm up to throwing away my social life to get my  priorities straight. My social life isn't important right now anyways, it can wait until summer. School, internship, and hopefully obtain a job. One of the things I absolutely hate the most is asking my family for money or to buy me things I need.  Unlike others, the reason why I want a job isn't because I want money to buy myself clothes and other crap I don't absolutely need, but I want to help take a burden off my parents. I want money to pay for my school fees, my textbooks, etc. I've already gotten used to not shopping anyways; within 3 minutes of looking around in a store I'll get too lazy and overwhelmed by the crowds or by the amount of items to look through and I'll leave. I want to be able to buy my family things in return for what they've given me for the past 18 years of my existence. It hella bothers me how people think I'm spoiled because I drive an Audi or because I go to USF. I really wanted my parents to buy my sister a new car so I can just take her old car, and when the topic of an Audi being bought for me was brought up, I immediately shot it down. My parents ended up buying it anyways, and I was not too proud of owning it. I actually sometimes feel a lot of guilt when I drive it because I feel like I don't deserve it, and it bothers me more that people bag on me for driving it. After having it for more than a year now, there's hella crap wrong with it, so it's not as great as everyone thinks. And as with going to USF, I'm only able to go there because my whole tuition is basically all on loans under my name, meaning after I graduate, I will be about $200,000 in debt. But, I know it's a struggle that will be worth it in the long run. It costs the same as getting stuck at other schools for hella years because of not being able to get classes. I know I'll be done with school in 5 years, guaranteed. I'm even strongly considering commuting to school next year because I calculated it'd save me $10,000. I know it'd definitely not the most pleasant experience, but still.

Like I've said before: mo' money, mo' problems.


And of course, I'm not only speaking of what I want to do, but I've already started applying for jobs in SF. $10.24 minimum wage, holla. haha