satisfaction

long time no post! i've been meaning to post a blog lately, but i 've never really gotten to it. christimas business much?

sooo, grades came in yesterday. i was pretty satisfied, especially with my biology grade that i rose.
English: B, PE: A-, Spanish: A-, Biology: B-, Geometry: B, Cultural History: A-
i lost some As, gained some Bs, lost a D. it's the effort that counts right?

i've been setting my goals for 2008, i've already got many ideas that makes me look forward to the year. christmas is almost here. confirmation made me realize the importance of christmas, and how people really have forgotten it's true meanings. the presents are becoming a big distraction, have we even set aside some time from shopping to give time for God, and Jesus? it's his birthday, and it comes only once a year!

hmmm, so today afterschool i went with Gian, Rozelle, Jerremy, and Vincent to some warehouse where a lot of people volunteered for the giving tree. my main purpose in going was to get community service for an hour for being absent from confirmation 'cause of camp. when we got there, we had to register and printed out nametags, watched an instruction video in some isolated room like we were about to go on a ride, and then got instructed on what to do and got started! it was kinda confusing at first, but got the hang of it. i began to realize how generous this company was, if i had to guess how many toys they were giving as presents, i'd guess like 1000. and it was great how the workers offered great support and help and smiles, instead of those people you expect to be total beezies. afterwards, went to greatmall to finish last minute shopping then ate at sendai. totally felt like a typical friday yfc night, except it was only wednesday. kinda makes me look forward to these days during winterbreak.

so, my parents are planning to go to las vegas after christmas and to be back before new years. i kinda wanna go, to get away from all this stress for awhile, but unfortunately none of my sisters are going :( if i go, i'm going to be the only child and i've never got on vacation without a sibling! what will a person of my age do on her own in las vegas? so i'm kind of doubting on going. it's making me feel like my childhood is over, my memories are really distant, but the past is the past, it's reality. i have nothing to do but to keep walking on. life moves on.

i'm really scared for finals, not sure why. i've never experienced one yet so i guess that's why. it's so cold and the weather is so LOCO! i'm out, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

holiday season

yesterday was the start of december, and it means one thing: holiday and present shopping. not to forget the christmas season too.

i've always wondered, what's the significance of presents anyways? you give, and receive. some people give, but don't receive, and some receive and don't give. i guess after a night of staring at the ceiling and thoughts, it's a little metaphor kind of thing for God giving us Jesus, a precious present and the reason for our living right now.

i've began to take an interest in poetry, however, i've never been a real good speaker at all in my life. i get good grades on essays, but when it comes to speaking, it hasn't really been my thing. i also want to work on being a better drawer, something i've thought about since elementary school, but i never got at it haha.

the weather is so cold lately, it makes me wonder what the weather will be like later on in the year! ahhhh!

no other thoughts right now, but in conclusion, how you enjoy life all depends on your actions and choices.

changes

this past thanksgiving made me learn a lot. typically, when thanksgiving comes to my mind, the only thing i have done is thought about food at family parties. although i did not do it this year, my heart was telling me i need to give thanks to my family and relatives. the whole purpose of thanksgiving itself is to give thanks for what you have, and the life you live today.

as the clock ticked closer and closer to 12am when i was at my cousin's house yesterday, i had this really big want to go shopping for black friday. my mom, who refuses to stand in those long lines and having to walk through big mobs, decided for my sisters and i that we would not go shopping this year. i was pretty bummed i admit, people always asked me at school where i was gonna shop, and for once i had to say no where. as the clock passed midnight and my family and i went home, i began to reflect on thanksgiving, and think about what i was thankful for.

many people complain about their lives, and how they feel depressed. i'm guilty for that, but really, somebody on this universe has it way worse than you. i complain about my life, how i feel miserable, but i should be thankful. why? i have a pretty nice roof to live under, a closet full of clothes, food, a tv, a computer, and of course -- a family. not everyone in the world has that all. that was when i began to forget black friday, i'm already thankful and content with the clothes i have already, so why go for more? perhaps i should save my money, and maybe one day i'll make an effort to donate clothes to the needy.

when i got home last night, i began to clean out my closet of clothes i didn't think i'd wear anymore, and clothes i didn't think would last me my years throughout high school. i'm halfway done, and i got at least 25 pieces of clothes cleared out. thinking about bringing them to this store my sisters go to. it's where you give them clothes you're willing to donate, and they pick the ones they're willing to sell, and you get money back for it. it's pretty much like recycling clothing, it's good for the earth too. have you ever thought about what will happen to your clothes when you don't wanna wear them anymore? might as well give it to someone who will!

as i look ahead on my weekend, i see me doing a bunch of projects and major cleaning of my room. somewhat, i already feel accomplished.

have a nice weekend!

falling apart

it almost feels like my life is falling apart right now.

little did i know this morning what that something would come into the mail and give me a punch into my face. what was it? my grades. back then in middle school, it'd be all whatever for me. however, it's highschool now and it's a real nailbiter for me. i already knew all my grades, except for biology, and that was the only grade i was wondering about.

just yesterday i was talking to jonathan about mr. hentschke's class. he was saying how mr. hentschke was a reaal laidback guy, and he is! he lets students go to the bathroom whenever he wants, and even if he sees it being abused, he doesn't really do anything about it. he sees students slacking off and fooling around in class, he stills us to knock it off, but rarely and almost never enforces it. i actually thought i'd pass this class in flying colors if i did my best on tests and did all the homework, in which i kind of did. however, this year i've been doing a horrible job on studying for tests. i've begun to realize this class is an independent class. jonathan told me yesterday, how we decide to act and when to pay attention in class reflects on our grades. my grade was slammed into my face, and i do believe i somewhat deserve it. i'm guilty for being one of those people who stick earbuds into my ears during notetaking and videos, and i mess around in class a lot too. i dont know, but it's time for a change, i'm seriously going to take my grades seriously.

English I (G. Roy): B
P.E. (Edwards/Lamb):B+
Spanish I (Marion): A
Biology (Hentschke): D
Geometry (Veltri): A
Cultural History (Castro): A-

i was watching TV when my mom says, "whats this D?!" and my heart seriously skipped a beat. never in my life have i received a grade lower than a B. it could of been a C, i seriously would of been okay with that, but a D?! i flipped out. i ran to look at my report card. everything looked so good, but that D was like a rotten egg in a carton of gold eggs. my mom yelled at me, she was disappointed in me. "you're not going to graduate as an honor student." that was my #1 goal. but really, i was more disappointed in myself than she was. but to have those words hurled at me, knowing she has no confidence in me anymore, it gave me this sensation as if my soul was starting to die.

i was struggling to keep my grades up in all my classes. i got a B in english because it appears i didn't turn in an assignment that i did, and my english teacher doesn't accept late work. = a B+ in pe because i was a non-swimmer in PE, but i passed all my tests. i really tried to do my best in volleyball to help raise it, and i'm going to take weight training seriously for sure. in spanish, i do my best to pay attention, biology i already explained. math isn't a problem for me right now since it's easy, and i used to have a B in cultural history. however, a bit of studying and really listening helped bring it up a bit.

i really need to prove myself and my mom wrong. my goals, no more going out afterschool. it will cause me to slack. i need to do my homework before anything else, and i need to take it seriously. less computer, my myspace went byebye already anyways. STUDY for the tests like forreal. so far my defintion of studying right now is reading before the test and that doesn't seem to help much.

i'm really at my lowest low right now. i've been going through a lot enough as it is, and this just added another knife to stab my soul. i don't know to do, who to turn to. no one seems to understand. tired of crying out of no where just thinking about all these problems, i feel like i'm at a state of depression. no kidding, i haven't been overwhelmed by so many problems until now. high school's one tough cookie, and hah, i have to go through 4 years of this stuff.

all i can do is pray, and hopefully God will send me an answer to help me get out of this struggle.

"there's no such thing as problems, they're called opportunities." -Robbie Ocampo

trying to take this in positively, it'll make me stronger in the end. praying for a better day...

new start

so, why do i keep making new blogs? who knows. it's probably just this feeling i keep having to "start over". i've been hecka thinking lately, but time goes by hella fast. my childhood is slowly slipping away, and honestly, i don't wanna grow up. being a kid is the easiest life's gonna get, but little did we know that when we were kids. at often times, i thought life was hard when i didn't know what toy to get, i was left alone at home for the first time, and going to school for the first time. those were hard obstacles back then, but now that i think about it, it's nothing. sometimes i just wish i could go back to those days, life was good. i had a nice bond with my parents and sisters, but idk. everything's different now. i'm trying to hold onto my parents right now the best i can, but it's hard. i just need to take notice of what i have now because i have no idea what will and can come in my way in the future.

i'm confused to the max to my friends. you can basically say i'm annoyed of like 97% of them right now. the problem is, when you drift away from people and bounce back after a month, i take notice they've changed, and change i usually almost never like because eh. it's hypocritical because everyone changes, and most of the time it's you changing. i'm just trying to keep my distance from people right now, tired of worrying about this stuff when friends shouldn't be like a top priority right now. i have worse stuff to deal with.

confirmation started last week. i'm kinda excited. i feel like my faith is constantly going up and down for unknown reasons, and i just really wanna keep it at a stronghold right now. and yay, 8 month break from yfc. i honestly need that right now, because yfc isn't the same as before and i miss it. everything is so clique-y there and there's favoritism, hypocritical stuff, i dunno. i just need time out thinking about it.

school is okay, i'm trying to keep my grades like #1 priority right now. working to keep my grades up just for my mom.

i got rid of my myspace, and it took like a whole weight off my stress. myspace is full of gossip and drama, and nosey comment readers -_- and since when does the way your friends act around you have to depend on top friends?! enough is enough, screw myspace. it's annoying how people use myspace for 75% of their communication with friends, i think it's more real if you talk to people in real life. well yeah, sometimes your busy so you use myspace or aim, but i really think majority should be real life. AIM is okay since no one can really look at it, but myspace, nah. it's gotta go. besides, i'm getting less distracted from my homework without myspace.

i really have this urge to go shopping and stock up on winter clothes, i also need to get rid of shirts i don't want or need. and yet again, my shirts are becoming a mess in my closet and they're ready to topple over, and i needa fix that. HOWEVER, i need to get a bunch of sleep! i'm lacking so much sleep my eye bags are horrible!