Fed up.

Halloween in 2 days! I'm excitedddddd.

This morning, it was SUPER foggy. I could smell the humidity, and overlooking the football field from the locker room area, damn. Hellaaaaaaaa foggy. My hair became kinda unstraightened from the humidity. But damn, today in rugball our team is undefeated and so is another team, so Mr. Zamudio made us play them. The guys were getting fierce and getting pissed at each other, geez. I got so hot from playing, so it hella felt like I was in Florida again. Humidity + hotness. We lost though, gaay. 22-16.

Rest of the day was boring. Left 6th period early to walk to Q-Cup and get there before everyone else. It was kinda boring having to be there for 6 hours. But like always, things got fun again. It ended up being me, Mariel, Catap, and Kevin Miranda staying there the whole time and having some good laughs. We put our money together and bought a combo and shared it all, hahaha. 4 straws in a cup, and talking calamari ;) Nice one guys. Russell came for once, HAHAHA. Funny how because it's usually Ray and Matt coming to our fundraisers, and not Russell, but totday was the opposite. And he got braces off =P Laughssss. Then went home.

I need to do my Leadership Presentation Outline though, UGH! I hella didn't know I'm presenting on Monday, grrrrr.





You make me so angry on the inside. You may think I have a bad temper, but man, I'm holding so much anger towards you in the inside of me. You need to use your brain, you're being hella selfish. Goshdarnit! -_-

sleep on it

I'm pretty tired today. I woke up at 4:30pm to study and finish homework, since yesterday I decided to make the stupidest move and rest on my bed after I got home from TGI Friday's because of my dad's birthday. I had some yummy Cajun Shrimp & Chicken Pasta and a banana sundae after, it was gooood. And yeah, whenever I rest on my bed, I get hella sleepy. So that was a bad idea, I fell asleep and didn't get to study/do my homework.

Today in Rugball was funny again, hahaha. I like my new team, even though it's the same people except one guy =P Math = test, it was okay. Spanish was boring, we played this game and I didn't really pay attention. Chemistry, ALWAYS boring. All we do is take notes. World History = test, easy except the last question. Leadership = free food but it wasn't good. Me and Michelle D. finally updated each other about guys, gosh, finally. -_- Hahah, we don't really open up around other people, just 1 on 1. 6th period, we started watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or whatever it's called. I like it sooo far.

Afterschool, went to Walmart and bought some snacks to bring to school.

My eyes are very tired right now, I think I'm gonna sleep early tonight.

Staying at Q-Cup until 8pm for fundraiser tomorrow, GO! And support =) Please! Also, Spurs vs. Suns tomorrow. Sorry Matt, Suns are gonna go down like they've been doing for the past 2 years. Thanks Rio for reminding me about Hornets vs. Warriors also! I think this year I'm gonna root for Spurs, Hornets, Celtics, and on occasion, Warriors. Just cause they got some cuties. =) hahaha

I'M EXCITED FOR YFC CAMP! Go! =) November 14-16, this is going to be the sheeeeeeezy of the year everyone's gonna be talking about after. Don't miss out! Ask for more details.

Not in awhile, no.

I haven't felt this way in soooooooo long, it really sucks,, but this time I'm ready to take on the world with a smile. Can't let this bring me down.

But please, shut your mouth and stop giving me bull, I'm tired of it...

eyes are opened

I'm sitting here in Spanish. 9:53am

Stay happy Crisann. Smile.

These ears, tired of hearing of what I don't wanna hear.
These eyes, seein what I don't want to see.
This heart, disappointed again.
This brain, realizing it wasn't meant to be.

Smile Crisann, smile.

Reminisce.

Yesterday, I was awfully bored waiting to go to my uncle's birthday party so I decide to get songs and put them on my phone. I looked at 106.1's playlist for songs, and I saw "The Business" and I downloaded it. I actually like the song now, HAHA. I used to think it was annoying because it was my cousin's ringtone. But listening to the song now, it reminds me of summer. Just listening in it takes me back in a flash.

Ahhh, summer. Always going to the cousins' house and we'd always end up going to Target for no idea why. We always rented movies from the Red Box, and thanks to Nolan, we'd watch retarded movies about zombies because he's fascinated in them. Hahahaha. My cousins and I would spam each other with the same words over and over again, and we'd play games. I always had the best laughs with my cousins all the time.

What else about summer? CONFERENCEEE! I've been hella missing conference lately, just the worship, the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ass walks from the dorms to the stadium, the gross humidity, the lizards all over the place, being free to go wherever we want, the gay airplane experience.

Hmm.. also. The Blockles buddies! The chatroom, lol. I seriously wanna have a funny ass chatroom like that again, but then again it was only funny because we all barely knew each other so no awkwardness or anything. I must say, I miss hanging out with them all the time. Now it's only like once a week, and if not, once every other week. Let's talk on the phone more guys, I miss it.

Rising of a Rhapsody yfc musical was fun too. The practices, everyone falling over, and pulling it together in just one week. That's whatsup. It was hella short though, short but sweet.

Anyways, party yesterday = boring. We were watching Housewives of Atlanta, then we went to Walmart so Gian can get stuff for her costume. Went to Red Box, and we rented a movie but we didn't even watch it. -_- Idk where everyone went when we went back to Nolan's house, so I was just on AIM on the couch then I fell asleep. Soon, we went home. How fun right? Hahaha.

Today = bonding with my sister. Yay! Haven't really done that in a while..



I just wanna knowwww.. =/

It's not a bird, not a plane; it's my heart and it's going gone away.

Hey, it's been a week since Homecoming already. Time flies by fast. Winter Ball?!?! =)

Yesterday, Friday. 0 period was fun, my team was in the Toilet Bowl instead of the Championship Bowl, lmao. We played a team that ALWAYS loses, so of course won. I scored hella points, yay! I'm gonna miss my team, it was actually funny playing with them, hahaha. Rest of day was alright, I wasn't sleepy again. Finished most of my homework in my class, but I still need to do Spanish Flashcards, History Study Guide, work on Chem. Packet, and I think that's it.

I was hella bored at home afterschool. I was listening to music just laying there then I receive a call from Mikha Tana and she asks me to do a share for her meeting. Dudeee, I had everything she wanted me to say ready in my mind, but UGH. Haha, I'll explain down there.

Went to YFC at 6:30pm. When I got there, I see Rio, Celeste, Martin, Son, Jay, Jerremy, Rozelle, Phillip, Francis, Angelica C., and Jennifer. Yay, I learned some beats on the drums but I bet you by next week I'm gonna forget. Hahaha. Not many people showed up, because hella people went to HSM I guess, but s'all good in the hood! We played bang and I lost, then shaggity shaggity oompapa. Meeting started, Mikha did her talk on freedom. Way to pull it off last minute Mikha =) Then I had my sharing. But OMG... I hellaaaaa blanked out! =(! I forgot the rest of the story, and how it tied in with Mikha's meeting. It was horrible. Sorry Mikha! =( But gosh, so sweet what she said. Made my day, I never knew people saw me like that. I do have a good life, I admit it. Sometimes I just choose not to think it. Anyways, after, discussion groups. Group 3 con James! And someone tell me how me and Matt ended up in the same group when we were sitting next to each other when they seperated us out, lol. I like my DG though, it was James, Son, Phillip, Big Brother, Robbie, Ryneheart, Matt, Aldrin, and Katrina. OMG, CB THOUGH!!!!!! Hahahahaha -___- Good laughs. Chilled after DG was over. I kept trying to untie Matt's shoe since he kept kicking me but he ties his shoes hella tightly! wtff. Hahaha, then after worship. Even though there wasn't many people, it was legit once again. Props to Rio and Celeste. Once again, chilled outside after meeting. Put on blast again! =( Robbie gave me a ride home, had to squish with Jennifer, Jay, and Casey in the back though. Hella knocked out when I got home, but then I woke up because Robbie was calling me but I didn't want to answer, so I texted him. It was like 1am! He was asking me for someone's number, then yeah.

Today, uncle's party. Have fun at Fright Fest everyone! I really wish I could go, but no money. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

1. I really wanna know if you feel this even a little bit, cause I'm feelin' this.. a lot. =/
2. I miss you.
3. CB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. I really wish I could be more apreciative of you.
5. Complaining and accusing is all what comes out of your mouth towards me, and I'm sick of it.
6. Whatever is bothering you.... I just hope and pray that God will get you through it. You're in a tunnel of darkness, but remember to keep walking... there's light at the end. =)
7. Idk if you'll ever read this, but FAVORITE JUNIOR! I love you, and the laughs we've had. I don't even remember how we got close, hahaha.
8. I'm still praying for you and your family.

EDIT --

Ugh, I wish my parents were more appreciative of my freakin' grades. I was just sitting here and my dad and mom are talking about my grades, asking where did all my A's go? I snatched it, and I see 3 As so wtf is their problem.

0 (PE) = A-
1 (Alg2) = B
2 (Spa2) = B
3 (Chem) = B
4 (Hist) = B-
5 (Ldsp) = A-
6 (Eng2) = A

I really do try, no lie. It's just so hard to cope up while being tired from 0 period and all the leadership crap we have to do.

Ugh, my parents say Bs are not enough, I know they want the best from me, but you see how tired I am already from trying? I just got some strict ass grading teachers. -_- At least I'm not one of those kids just throwing school away and failing...


Father, please shut up. I'm tired of hearing your negative words being thrown at me.

Naps!

Wooo, I just woke up from like, a 3 hour nap. I feel totally energized, feels goood.

Haha, I dunno why, but I felt awfully cheerful today. Dude, my leg muscles are like, disfunctioning. -_- Today in 0 period, my hamstring is all good but then my vein in my calf was being weird. Kristina said it was showing, and I don't even know how to explain how it felt, but it was WEIRD. It felt like a string being pulled and ready to snap, but it wasn't painful. It also had this warm sensation, and it didn't feel like a muscle, it felt like a vein. UHH yeah, anyways. I FINALLY SCORED IN RUGBALL TODAY! Like after I've been disabled to play because of my hamstring. They checked the ball and I like rushed halfway across the field. Some guy on the other team was about to tag me, like seriously, I was ready to stop because I knew he was gonna tag me because he was in my way, but he waas a noob so I dodged him and scored. WOOO! Hahaha.

The rest of the day, I was pretty productive. I barely have any homework today except to study for spanish grammar quiz tomorrow and S.A. for world history. Scheduled Applebee's fundraiser during Leadership after being put on hold for the longest time -____- Ate cake in Cummins' room afterschool, it kinda made me feel sick.

Tomorrow is Friday, yaaay. A week since the most ugliest day for Leadership and the football game. Time passes by fast. YFC tomorrow, yayayayay. I'm so excited for camp! GO TO YFC CAMP GUYS! It's been 19 months since the last one, so you never know when is your next chance to go! =)

Can I have this dance?

The buzz lately at school is about how people are wanting to watch High School Musical 3, hahaha. I'm not interested in watching it anytime soon, because just think of all the elementary school students packing the theaters. Maybe after the hype dies down, but out of curiosity, I went to look up the songs and listen to them on iTunes. They sound all typical HSM3, but "Can I Have This Dance?" is kinda cutesy. I guess this is the cute song of the movie possibly, like You Are the Music in Me & Breaking Free. Hahaha.

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you (like you)
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do (way we do)
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance

Today = another tiring day. Mr. Cummins birthday! Officers & I skipped first part of first period to barge into his room, semi-sing to him, and give him our presents. A chocolate cake with twix on top (that looked like pieces of poop actually, hahaha), a picture frame with a picture of the officers and advisors + the class picture with a photoshopped picture of him since we couldn't find him (and not to mention I'm the only one who signed it), and the cheesecakes I made him. Enjoy your birthday Mr. Cummins, you deserve it! You're a hella chill teacher, legit yoo.

0 period was pretty interesting too. Lots of people falling, lol. My hamstrings were hurting again, but I was actually able to manage and keep running. Some guy was like walking in circles and it looked like he was gonna fall over and faint, but then Mr. Zamudio got him. Called security and they picked him up to bring him back to Nurse. Our rugball team got pwned today, we need more girls on our team to score damnit. If only my hamstrings weren't gay, I'd be smashing on everyone. It was HELLLAAA cold in Chemistry too, I was shivering and hugging onto my backpack.

Yep, uhh that was my day I think.

SCHOOL IS SOOO BORING. I wish more people would text me or something, so text me guys! If you need my number, ask! Haha, doesn't hurt to just say hi or anything. =)

Hamstrings

still hurt. It totally disables my ability to play rugball when I want to play. Oh, I forgot to mention both of them hurt now, not just my left one. Rawrrrr.

Today was a completely tiring day for me. I slept in first period, got really drowsy in 3rd, and fell asleep during the boring counselor talk about college in the library. Nothing interesting today I guess, just that I was tired.

Today, walked to Target to print out pictures from Homecoming and pick up some stuff for Mr. Cummins' birthday tomorrow. I bought a picture frame for the picture of the officers/advisors (which I look ugly in -_-) and then some Cheesecake mix + cupcake cup thingies since Ms. Ngo told me he likes Cheesecake. The cheesecake = success, but the crust doesn't stay together. Oh welll =(

Time to get busy on homework. Yesterday, I was too lazy to do my math homework and when I actually was gonna do it, I realized I was too sleepy to do it. I stared at my ceiling thinking whether I should sleep or do homework. I would fall asleep for like 5 minutes, then someone would IM me on AIM. Haha, strange night. Probably why I was so tired today. I went to sleep at 12:30am ishh.

Applebee's with the sisterhood tomorrow! I miss em.

"cause I'll be okay if i get one."

Just one...

Today was the start of a normal week. No more hectic Spirit Day craziness and what not. Ugh, today in 0 period though I was running for rugball then my hamstring started to hurt a bit. I stretched a little, then went back to playing. I check the ball, then start rushing towards the goal line. I was almost gonna make it to scoring all the way through, but my left hamstring started hurting more so I slowed down and they tagged me. From there on, my hamstring was hurting like a b!tch. I spent the rest of the period stretching, and missing out on the action. I guess this is a result from Homecoming?! Hahaha, naaaaah.

I spent the rest of my day limping, or walking around to my classes like I was constipated or had a stick up my ass as others would put it. Nothing interesting today, except in Leadership we got to eat food! However, it was leftover BBQ and salad from the Alumni Dinner on Friday, but oh well, free food and soda. It was still good anyways, hahaha.

Uhh yeah, today was boring though. I finally got to take a nap again today! Woooo! I was thinking about going running again today, but I freakin' need music to keep me going =/ My only choice is my iPhone, but that's too big! I dunno, but I wanna start conditioning for track already even though it's far away.

Gotta do math homework now, I don't even get it.

Just oneeeee.....

Homecoming '08

October 18, 2008. My 2nd Homecoming dance, and there's 2 more to go. The night has been anticipated for a looong time, and it was finally today. I didn't like my hair, but it was whatevs. I went to Michelle Nguyen's house after I got ready and we chilled, and got to Kevin Miranda's house first. Not after long, everyone else who were invited came. We took pictures and ate, it was cutesy. "You look nice today!" Matt's so cute, hahaha. After pictures, we headed over to MHS in Kevin's mom's car, the twins' car, and Justin's. We were first in line to get in, for coat check, and we were first to take pictures. Good thing, because the picture line ended up getting hellaaaaa long that it reached going back inside the gym where the dance was. I hope my picture with Matt doesn't look bad =(!

After pictures, dance dance danceeeee! The music was pretty whack though, since they had to play songs we wouldn't freak to since we were freaking too much at the beginning of the dance. It was sooo hot too! At one point, the guys trapped all the girls in a circle and we were like all suffocating. Hahaha, it was gross. They played a bunch of slowdance songs too, Suffocate, One Wish, and I don't remember the rest. I liked slowdancing with Matt though, so sweet! Hahaha. "Wanna dance?" And he'd be singing while I'd be smiling/laughing at it, or we'd play "bumpercars" with people. I ditched him like 3 times during the dance to go help with situations (Vivian's lip bleeding, Cecilia's mom, and bathroom). But we got even ;]

Overall, the dance was pretty fun if you just scratched out the music. As Vivian and I agree, last year was better musicwise, but this year was better datewise. Everyone had dates that didn't make them feel awkward this year, unlike last. Hahaha.

Thank you Matthew Ganan for being a great, sweet date! =) Made my night.

Mission Accomplished.

YES, Homecoming week is finally over. Hella work, hella stress, hella homework, hella lackage of sleep much. Today was a b!tch though, no food breaks and resting breaks, wtf?!

Rally was alright. Our skit wasn't that great, but hey, it's done with. Afterschool was carnival, selling eggrolls and such. I was hella sweating because it was soooo hot. After, had to deal with stuff with advisors then cleaned up our decorations. Then, Homecoming game! It was fun chilling with everyone and taking pictures, we smashed on Mountain View for Varsity! Hung out with the Blockles buddies and everyone was messing around with my cucumber! I got a cucumber because my advisor said it helps get rid of eyebags, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have big ass ones tomorrow. Today was so exhausting

So, I'm gonna go slice the cucumbers up and go to sleep now. Today has been a long ass day, the long anticipated Homecoming dance is tomorroww!!!! =)

It's love that holds us.

This week = Spirit Week. I love seeing the spirit around school, it's fun. Also, the Homecoming decorations each class has been doing actually does make me feel like it's Homecoming week. Finally, seeing some overall school spirit being raised. Class spirit too, but the other classes need to stop beasting on us. Hopefully we can prove them wrong....

Today was Stoplight Day. I don't have anything green I like to wear so I just wore all 3 colors. Red earrings, yellow sweater, and green shirt under. My main color was yellow, so everyone was like "YOU'RE TALKING TO SOMEONE?!". I had to explain countless times I was just wearing all the colors.

First day playing Rugball today. Favorite unit! <3 On my team, it's these 2 asian guys, Vinny, Sanicris, and Kristina. Sometimes I'm wide open and the guys choose not to pass it to me because they think I can't catch it. Our team got pwned though, like 22-6. And I was the one who made all 6 points! I caught one in, and then ran the other one in, 2+4. I think I wanna count how many points I make throughout this 6 weeks, goal is 50. =) But dude, it's hella tiring! And it's annoying because I feel like I'm the only one on my team that's actually trying. Oh well, as long as I have fun and get a workout from it, but I'm kinda sore now.

Afterschool, worked on stuff in Ms. Ngo's room. Then waited with Rhodan & Courtney for their rides, then walked to Juice City by myself since I had like an hour to kill before PTH Volleyball game. Bought a drink, and did my homework. Jonathan saw me, so we talked a bit. Nice talking to him after hezza long and everything that's been happening. Michelle Nguyen came, then we talked, then to June. At like 6, we walked back to school and watched the end of the JV game, I assume they lost. Varsity game was about to start, but I had to go to Party City with my sister. Bought some stuff for tomorrow while I was there.

2 more days until Homecoming Rally/Carnival Game! =) Then, 3 days until Homecoming dance! Yaaay, I'm excited!

kjashdkahdkjah

Ugh, I wanna cry.

Good weekend.

This weekend was good, I got to spend a bunch of time of friends! It was fun, and I got closer to people/regain some friendships.

On Saturday, I woke up early to do my laundry then did some homework. After, I got ready for Rhodan's party then went to Michelle Nguyen's house. We played Catchphrase with each other, and then tried thinking of Homecoming poses lmao. Rowena came so I hid in the closet, but when she opened it, I failed at scaring her cause IDK. I scared myself. HAHAHA, then we made a drawing to plan where we were gonna stand in height order for the group picture we're planning to take with the Private School guys. Didn't expect the picture to have weirdass characteristics but it was hilarious, it's on Michelle Nguyen's myspace. She uploaded it then we went to Rhodan's house.

When we got there, it was the three amigos, Russell, and Kevin Miranda. At first, we chilled in Rhodan's room then went in the bouncehouse. We took hella pictures, but for a jumping picture, Brian's jaw collided into my head hella harshly. I have a bump on my head now that hurts still =/ We ate, then I dropped my food on the floor -_- Sorry Rhodan! Birthday cake was hella good, ice cream cake! Back to the bouncehouse, we took more pictures and then we all started getting bored/tired so we just laid there in the dark. We wanted to spend hella time with the bouncehouse before they took it away. I spent lotsa time with Rowena and Michelle, which was new but I love it. =) "Mr. C". Soon, Kevin Catap, Matt, and Jonathan Pham came, then Jennifer and Maryanne. We played Crywolf, but had to move to Rhodan's move since the people took the bouncehouse away. It was hella fun playing Crywolf, seeing everyone scream at each other on who's the killer and what not. The twins came, and then it was hellamuch more fun playing Catchphrase though, lmao! "Umm...... it's under us!" "CHINA!!!" LOL wtf, then.. "It crosses the border.. uhh.." "MEXICANS!" So racist, but lol. Lotsa inside jokes, I love hangouts where my mouth gets hella tired from laughing. Rowena's mom came and then gave me and Michelle a ride back to Michelle's house. No one from my family was picking up so they could pick me up, and James was gonna pick me up so we could chill but then my sister eventually called me back and picked me up like at 12am. Fun, fun fun day.

Today, woke up to finish video project and work on homework again. Got ready for church, and when I got there I realized I was supposed to be Projectionist. Rushed over, then yeah. After church, met up with Michelle and Matt but then Matt had to go home to give Russell his book.

Michelle & I went to the mall to meet up with everyone because people were going shopping for Homecoming. Saw Greg, so he came. Then we found Victoria + Andrew, Ashley + Paul, Tram + Tyler, and Vy in Forever21. We got thirsty so we went to food court and bought a pearl drink. Then we went around and Victoria told us to go to Burlingame to help her decide if Andrew should get this one tie. While I was there, looked for Matt's dresshirt that would match with mine. Hella couldn't find one, but luckily Ashley found one in the middle of no where and we couldn't find any other ones. Good thing it fit him. We went to the food court to chill, and we played Cry Wolf again ahaha.

Matt, Russell, and Ray came, and then everyone but them and me left to go to Eastridge/home. I took Matt to buy the dress shirt I found + hid, and yeah. After that, we just went around the mall trying to help Ray find his magenta stuff. Matt and Ray ate Andersen Bakery, and they peer pressured me into eating Matt's thing he was eating. Idk how to spell it, but it tasted like flan. Geez -_- Hahhaha, then me and Matt got into an "argument" because he said f*ck you to me but just playing around, but I just like seeing him mad >=) Then yeah, we just went around the mall and had some laughs, etc. We ended at the food court where those 2 ate yet again, then Matt left. 10 seconds later, my mom calls and says she's outside and she sounded mad so I rushed. I was walking behind Matt the whole time but he didn't know. Hahaha, and right when I got outside, I see Ray's dad and so all of our parents came at the same time! The end.

Everyday, there's blessings, but then again, obstacles get thrown at me. =/ I won't believe what I'm hearing...

I have a lot to pray for lately... so if you guys could also pray for these people it'd be great.
-Maureen's mom (rest in peace.. =/)
-My cousin
-My grandma
-My parents

Thank you. Much loveeeee. And yay, Spirit Week. GO TO CHILI'S TOMORROW, 5-8pm =)

TGIA.

Thank you God so much for last night. My heart has been wanting to lead a meeting for so long at YFC. I never knew what to lead about though, or when it'd be the right time, or with who. I prayed about it, I really did. This meeting would mean a lot to me -- the last time I lead was like 2 years ago and that was the only time I lead. After going to Conference this year, my want to lead a meeting continue to gain. After awhile, I decided I wanted to lead with Jennifer, and we weren't even close at that moment. But God, thank you. I feel like this friendship will be stronger than what it was before. My topic was decided on Value. It's been an issue I have myself, and an issue many of my friends have that has been bothering me.

Like.. I said it at the meeting but lately a lot of people have been gossipping about others. I used to be in that phase, badly, but I learned at Conference. Yup. I really believe I'm on the path of being humble, slowly, babysteps. And it really angered me what these people were doing, because a lot is happening right now. Deaths. Emergency rooms. Cancers. Sicknesses. Don't take ANYTHING for granted, seriously, because it can be gone in a flash.

I hope everyone enjoyed this meeting. It made me really happy that people talked about how what they learned at the meeting affected them during worship, and seeing a bunch of updated blogs on my Friends list here being about value. I really wanted to lead this meeting to get this message out there, and success. =) I actually don't think I forgot to say anything this time around also.

Omg, worship. I thought we were hella disorganized because we were gonna do a spirit lead worship but then it was so hard to find the lyrics in that messy pile of transparencies. BTW, thanks a bunch James for buying the lightbulb and sharpies! In the end, worship was LEGIT. Everyone was acting a fool for God and going crazy. This meeting + worship ended up being way more better than I thought. Thank you for everyone who came out, and keep coming back! Love ya.

Also, thanks for the affirmations! They made me smile. I didn't have time to write mine so I'm doing it over MySpace. I'm writing big ass paragraphs and I need a break, hence me blogging. I'll finish later tho! But see guys, these affirmations make us realize what values others see in us and they make us happy. I challenge you guys to like tell people verbally what you love about them. At least 1-2 people a day, yeah? =)

BTW: I'm hella sorry again Jonathan. What I did not only burdened you, but it has been also burdening me. You don't know how much guilt I went through. But I'm really glad things are all cleared up now. I got some weight off my shoulders now..

Anyways, party today? I got hella hw though, so let me take note
-Spanish: 2 pages of workbook
-World History: Outline 4-2
-English: Turn in video project, do vocab, study video terms

Remember guys.. thank God you're alive everyday.
Thank God I'm Alive

asdfghjkl

Didn't know what to name this blog haha. So, I'm halfway done studying for my World History test, I'm really trying because this is the class I'm struggling in the most. I got a D- on my last test -_- Can't let it slip anymore.

I was pooped today. Last night, I was on the phone with Michelle, Kevin, Matt, and Raymond because we traditionally talk on the phone with each other on the night before someone's birthday so we can be first to say happy birthday to them. Well actually, it was just a summer thing in usual but we haven't talked since Matt's birthday and yeah. It's always funny though hahaha. We all said we were gonna say Happy Birthday at 12am then hang up, but at 12am, Matt and Ray called that we sleep at 12:34am so the clock says 1-2-3-4. No significant meaning or whatsoever, but oh well, more time to talk, catch up, and laugh! I was struggling to stay awake, and the clock struck 12:34am, and Ray said okay now 1:23! Then everyone hung up, and Kevin was on the phone talking to himself. Lmao. I miss summer with these guys <3 I guess the next time we're gonna talk on the phone is Kevin's birthday?! Hahahaha, hella far.

I ended up waking up 45 minutes later than I was supposed to, but it didn't really make it harder for me to get ready. I just didn't get to eat breakfast or finish up homework. I was hezzzaaa tired, especially by 6th period. My eyes are bagging up so much and I was struggling so bad to stay awake during the movie. I fell asleep for like 30 minutes =X But then tried my best to stay awake after.

Tomorrow, leading my 2nd meeting with Jennifer Tran! I'm excited. I have so much to say about our topic, I just want to be heard and hopefully people will take it in. However, usually when I have a lot to say, I forget everything. Rawr, but we'll see. Go! =)

Focus.

Today, my uncle and aunt from the Phillippines left to go to Hawaii. They're gonna come back December-ish? But yeah, I actually liked having them around because my parents were barely home and had a reason not to btch at me =) But yaaay, I have my room and a bed to sleep on again instead of suffocating myself in a sleeping bag.

I didn't feel as tired as usual today at school, barely actually. That's until I hit 6th period, right when I thought I was gonna make it -_- We were watching an asian movie with subtitles since we're studying film, and the movie was actually interesting. But I started getting sleepy and ended up falling asleep for a few minutes. After that, I was back to being tired again.

Worked on meeting afterschool again. After, my mom took me to mall so I can get my shoes for Homecoming. I really don't want to wear/buy heels because I'm only going to wear them once anyways, so I got decent ummm... wedges? It was hard because I needed to find silver, but whatever. I have shoes, and I'm okay with them. Not that great, but oh well. My Homecoming outfit is done in terms of the dress, earrings, and shoes. but I don't know what to do with my hair =/ Matt still needs me to go with him to buy his stuff so he doesn't get the wrong color. I might need to bring my dress because it's so hard to get a decent picture of the shade. However, I'm excited for HC! 10 more days! They'll pass by fast.

Oh, and tomorrow's Raymond's birthday! Yay! It doesn't even seem like I'm older than him. But k, back to homework. I wonder who reads my blog anyways.

To Do:
-Math Review
-Spanish Workbook pg. 13
-World History Primary Sources
-English Essay, due tomorrow!


I still love this quote.
"My head is spinning with happiness and can't help but smile and sing to myself with sweet thoughts of what I want, bringing me to cloud nine, but then after the thought that it's impossible brings me back down to earth.."

Please,

I just want a day to stay home and sleep the whole motherfreaking day. For this whole week, I've been at school and my eyes are literally thirsting for sleep. You know how your eyes feel like when you just woke up? My eyes feel like that all day. It's horrible. And on top of that, I'm sick. Okay, not exactly sick no more, just a little cough and stuffy nose. But seriously, if I didn't have to work on the YFC meeting with Jennifer afterschool these next few days, I'd stay home and sleep. I really need it. I haven't gotten to sleep in these past few days AND weekends.

Back to homework, I need to fix my essay because I messed up and wrote about the wrong thing.

TO DO:
-Math homework
-Work on Element Project
-Primary Source
-Essay
-Photo Project

hella stuffffffff =/

Yikes.

Every single day, my assumptions of what I see gain more and more evidence. Today, I feel like I have been assured, and I am undoubtful of what I'm believing. Sigh, here I am left yet hopeless again. I always feel so invisible...... =(

Monday's just usually aren't my days in the first place =/ But hey, on the brighter side, I finally took a nice nap today. But I have hella homework noww.

So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

October 5.

Today is October 5. Happy Anniversary to my parents, and it's been 8 years since my grandpa (dad's side) died.

I was in 2nd grade when it happened. I remember coming out of class and my mom picked me up. My mom never picks me up, only when there's emergencies because she works. I come into the car, and ask my mom why she's the one picking me up. "Lolo died." My heart literally stopped, and my soul exhilarated out of my body for a moment in shock. This was obviously unexpected. However, honestly, I wasn't close to my grandpa. I was hella shy back then, and I was too afraid to even hug my own grandpa. I don't even know why, I think I was scared of old people. I didn't cry. I remember when my mom broke the news to my sisters they cried. I felt guilty. I remember after, we went to my cousin's house where he was living. Just seeing him and his hospital bed he slept in not there anymore made the house feel so empty. This death even caused some drama in my family in where he doesn't even have a freakin' tombstone =/, and man. I don't know. But rest in peace, I love you Lolo Saturnino Lizardo, 10/5/00.

Happy Anniversary to my parents. I remember when I was small, I had to painfully watch them argue almost every day. It sucked. My mom wanted a divorce, I swear, they were so close to. My sisters even wanted my mom to. But me, being a little child, not understanding anything, refused to let my mom do so. I guess you can say I was the reason, and my sisters too (when they weren't mad at my dad) my parents are still together. They've been through a lot on their own, and together, and it makes me happy. I'm thankful for my parents, and my sisters bought them knives as a present because most of the knives in our house have disappeared. 0_o

Yesterday was Rozelle's debut, it was fun. Good food, coolkids at my table, and then dancing after. I got tired and started to not feel good at the end though. Talked to Michelle D. on the phone when I got home though. I'd be sleeping right now, but I have to sleep in my sister's room and I can't find the sleeping bag. Ugh. I think I might have to sleep straightup on the floor. k, I'm out.




The more they ask, the more I yearn.


---------------------


EDIT: So last night I ended up sleeping on my sister's floor after finding her sleeping bag. I was COLD. Very cold. But whateverrr. I woke up and my hair was a super mess, I laughed at myself. I looked like a cavewoman or something hahaha. My eyes were so tired. Actually, I'm still hella tired. I didn't get to sleep in yet again, and I haven't been taking naps. Plus, I'm still sick, kindof. I just have a stuffy nose and I sound different still. Party today, lots of food. All my cousins came, finally! Funny stuff, except Alyssa's dog kept barfing everywhere. My little cousin I haven't seen in awhile came, and he's freaking tall now and has a mustache LOL. He's in Boy Scouts too so he came all dressed up so my cousins and I were hella laughing. And he's only in 5th grade! My aunt's reaction when she saw him was hilarious.. "Ohhh... John Wayne!!!! ........... You're a boy scout now....!" and then my other aunt asked him, "Are you smarter than a grade 5?" instead of 5th grade. Ohhhh, filipino aunts are hilarious. I got so tired during the party though, while all my cousins and sisters went to Best Buy and Petsmart, I decided to stay back and sleep on my floor. I was exhausted. I had to wake up because my sister bought me ice cream on a cone from Rite-Aid and it was gonna melt if I didn't eat it -__- Spent the rest of the day doing my homework, eating, and what not.

Here comes another week of schooool.... so tired.

Hope, Faith, and Love is all you need.

I sit here in front of this computer. Thinking and blinking. There's just one particular thing in my mind. Well, maybe two. It feels good to be in His arms. My heart skips a beat, and time freezes, at least to me it does. Nothing around me matters anymore, and my happiness meter overfills to the top. My feelings intensify like the waves crashing onto the shore at a beach, and a big smile is brought upon my face.. But as He lets go, my heart goes back to beating, time is back to is original state, and my surroundings become clear to me. The meter drops instantly, and the smile fades. The water becomes shallow and calm. It makes me long for that feeling once more, I wish I could just be in His arms forever..

The other thing I've been thinking about.. a lot of people question and talk about it. Oh how I wish what they assume was true. I just wish I could say yes when they ask me, but I can't. Saying no turns my hopes and dreams into just plain dust, and I'm forced to brush it off every countless time a person asks me. But hey, if you want something to happen, you have to DO something about it. I can't just sit here and wish and wait for it to happen. It's kinda hard though, but if this is something I really want, I've got to go for it. It's going to be a hard journey, I will reach obstacles and distractions, but who knows what can happen? My hearts telling me this is my dream. I've never dreamed of such a beautiful thing. It's just too good to be true.

God, you are a great God. You are the love of my life, and I will unconditionally have faith, love, and hope in AND for you.

PS: I love my brothers and sisters so much.








Hold in in your arms, never let me go, I wanna spend eternity with you.

Chillout!

I think I did bad on my weight training test today. I memorized where the muscles and stuff were, but I hella BSed the part where we had to list exercises for the specific muscles. Oops.'

Today a lot of people were getting irritated of each other. Honestly, I was getting sick of hearing all the shittalking, gossip, and complaints. I'm totally (almost) out of that phase, thank gosh. I've been learning how to let go of annoyances and such.

Chilled with Jennifer and Michelle afterschool today. Good talks and laughs. Then alone with Jennifer to plan stuff out, love her! I had to take the bus home because my mom was waiting on my uncle. I thought my mom wasn't gonna be home so I was talking hella loud on the phone when I opened the door, and my aunt and mom were sitting there when I walked in. Hella awkward. Hahaha, then I needed paper and I totally forgot my uncle and aunt were staying in my parents room so I like barged in there and said oh crap when I saw my uncle sleeping and remembered. Whoopsies =X

I was tired so I laid on my floor "resting my eyes". Matt came by with his and Russell's guest pass. His fatha wanted to meet me, I'm like scared of all my friends' parents to be honest lol. He explained the stuff he had, and gave me pile of money from Russell. Thanks Russell. Russell's ID copy makes him look black, it makes me crack up. And after Matt left, I was filling stuff out and noticed he forgot to have his dad sign it. Called him, his dad didn't wanna bring him back, so I have to forge it. Oh goody.

After, me and Rio worked on our Leadership assignment together. I have a C in that class because I got a 15/25 on an assignment. I wasn't "detailed" enough. =_=

Hmm yeah, I'm still sick. Being sick makes me so tired and I can't breathe, and I dislike having to blow my nose then everyone looks at you like you're some kind of freak of nature.

I think I'll sleep soon... doubt it. We'll see.

Drop it.

Last night was ugly. It was crazy, idk. Got phone taken away -_- Had to use mom's phone for the day, but now I have my phone back. Had to buy a camera battery for dad so he can stop being so mad about it, the end. Dropped.

So I'm super sick. Today my eyes are super small and tired, and my nose is clogged, and my throat doesn't hurt as much but I'm still coughing and I do indeed have a voice change. It was a pain going through school today, ughhhhh.

Uncle and aunt arrived from Phillippines today and now they're going to be residing at my house for weeks. My uncle looks way more like my grandpa now, which is very different. Last time they came to visit was like awhile back before my grandpa died (October 2000). His wife is here too, but I have yet to see her because she's in the room. Nice to have guests though, gives reasoning for your parents not to get mad at me ;]

Hmm, I'm thinking about homework. Math bookwork, page 12 in spanish workbook, work on Chemistry packet, section assessment for world history. Fudge, I really am tired and I would love a nap. I might end up knocking out the whole day though.

1). You anger me so much, it's so hard to control myself.
2). We don't talk as much anymore, maybe because it's your busy, but I must admit I miss it, well, I mean you. =X
3). Hey, you finally say hi to me today! I haven't seen you in FOREVER, hella miss you.
4). Cheer up, we're still young.
5). Stop being so moody, it brings down people around you =/
6). I've found myself smiling more and more because of you.
7). You make me laugh everyday, I love friends like these.
8). LET'S TAKE PICTURES. hahaha