hey blogspot, sorry that I've abandoned you. I guess it's kinda sad that I only turn to you when I really need to vent and express my emotions because Tumblr is just another world now, but here I am again, ready to vent. also because he follows me on every social media I have now except this hidden gem, so I can't really subtweet or anything anymore hahah.
this is the problem with love. or what we think is love. you give someone the ability to make you ultimately happy or ultimately sad. you risk it all on the line and put your heart in their hands. and if you got a crazy mind like mine, they control their emotions with every single action they have. I honestly never saw myself being in the position I am right now. this situation is so crazy I can't even fathom how I got into it... seriously never woulda thought. that's another crazy thing about life, the unexpected always happens, but that's what makes life so damn interesting.
the moment I first saw you... I never thought we'd end up where we are now. it really mindblows me, but sometimes fate brings us to cross paths. playing with fire was indeed the perfect term with this. I got involved in something that I knew would hurt me in the end. of course I knew it was bad, but it was this feeling that I couldn't help but resist. if magnets cross paths and attract.. they just do, there's no questioning it. I'm so damn confused that I really just want to shed a tear but it's just so sad that I've grown almost immune to the pain of heartbreaks. never in my life have I ever felt so restrained from something that made me genuinely happy. love can seriously either make you insanely happy or insanely sad.
guilty? of course I felt guilty. but you did nothing to stop any of it, and I did nothing as well. we are both at fault. no matter how much I tried to push these feelings away, they would just come back to me. I keep trying to detach myself from you just because I know this is going to end in a disaster. instead, I kept falling and falling and falling deeper into the hole. enjoying the ride while it lasted y'know? I mean, at least for you, you'll have happiness at either end. for me, I'm pretty much absolute positive I'm going to leave this mess emptyhanded. it's not easy giving up feelings like this....
dear world, I have grown to learn that one of the most painful things to do is to be in love with something you can't have.
"Hold still right before we crash cause we both know how it ends... our clock ticks till it breaks your glass and I drown in you again."
