Restoring my faith has been my mind these past few weeks. I enjoyed everything throughout my senior year up to now, but I've always felt like something was missing. It was almost a year ago I stopped attending my youth group and figured I would be able to maintain my faith on my own, but I got distracted. Time dreaded on and my faith slowly went down the hole.
The flame that represented my faith used to burn so strong. Many people "believe" in God, but to actually believe and feel it is another thing. My days used to be so ecstatic, because the feeling of actually feeling God's love in my life was amazing. I remember yearning so much to just spread that love and goodness to others, to be the hope to the hopelessness. I really felt as if with God, I could conquer everything. I honestly don't think I'll be ever to really explain how it felt, sometimes you have to witness it on your own.
Where do I stand now? I feel like I've taken Him for granted. I know He's always here, but I grew on some habit where I'd scarcely acknowledge and pray to Him where I actually meant it. Listening to worship songs everyday turned into skipping them the instant I heard them. Other things in the world got the best of me, and I pushed God away. It became more difficult for me to put aside even at least 5 minutes a day to give thanks, or an hour on Sundays.
What made me realize my downward spiral was when I cleaned my room and found all these things I wrote to myself, or simple reminders of my faith that came from my youth group. Not only that, but I skipped out on going to my youth group's Conference for the first time in 3 years. I thought to myself, "Damn, what am I doing with my life?". I went against my old morals and fell into the temptation of alcohol. I went from drinking from the blood of Our Father to the cup of the devil. My words went from speaking God's truth to the devil's slander.
Since then, I've vowed to fast from drinking. I don't need it, and there are many other more pure things in life I can do to to enjoy myself. I'm working on taking more time out of my day to just pray and talk to God, thank Him for everything, good or bad. I've been wanting to hit up Our Lady of Peace to go to confession, to cleanse all the void within me, and to just spend some time reflecting back on my life and faith.
With God, we are nothing. Therefore, we owe Him our everything.
"Jesus, You're all this heart is living for."
No comments:
Post a Comment