Love,

*Another blog inspired by a convo with a friend.. haha

It's pretty damn impossible to go out and not lay your eyes on a couple PDA-ing, and honestly, it makes my heart feel so cold. Yep, as I walk by roughly 10 couples everyday at school, at the mall, on the street, my heart burns with envy. Everyone seems to have fallen in love before or presently, but not have I. I have yet been able to fall asleep with my heart up in the skies so much in love in wonder if he's the one, and awakening knowing me and him are in love with each other for who we are. I have yet to hold a hand so tight with the trust you'll catch me when I fall, or feel the warmth of him holding me knowing that we're going to be there for each other through it all. I've actually have chances of doing so, but I screwed up every single time. Other times, I guess you can say I don't measure up to the girls those guys found more insanely gorgeous. I've gone so far for going for guys who treated me like absolute shit because I was blinded so badly by old memories. Honestly, I try so freakin' hard, but I just never feel like I'll never be enough..

But damn, it's just so insane just thinking that right now, hopefully, the guy I'm going to commit to and be with for the rest of my life is somewhere out in the world right now, breathing and living, and maybe we know each other, and maybe we don't. All I know is we don't expect it right now, and who knows, we may not have even laid an eye on each other. I'm too young to think of such a thing, but it's crazy.

Mosdef, it can be a little bitter to think about, but hey, I'm only 15. I have the rest of my life to find him. =)



Private blog ftw. Ask for access, haha.